Well folks here it is. The second installment of School’d with ThreeTwo Motorsports. This time I’ll be talking about something very important to racing success. It is how to not be a little bitch. If you are a little bitch you’ll never win a race or anything else in life for that matter. Even if you do happen to win at something it is automatically null and void, because you’re a bitch.
Number 1. You should start by not caring a heck of a lot about what other people’s opinion of you is, and just kind of go with the flow in how you speak, think, and act. If they get offended that’s their problem and are probably little bitches themselves. You really don’t want to associate with them anyway.
Number 2. If some punk on a dirtbike tries to ride you high in a corner don’t puss out and grab a handful of brakes to avoid it. Stay where you are and let them fall. It’s hilarious and they will probably stack it up three corners later and blame it on you anyway. If they’re going to hit the dirt and point the finger at you well you may as well be the reason.
Number 3. If somebody runs wide in a corner in front of you it is your duty to put them off the track. Refer to the keeping it steezy article and read the part about always knowing where photographers are. This will create epic photos such as the ones that were captured by my young student Trevor Oestreich in the 250 Production class at Straddeline. To be honest though, the photographers don’t matter, nerf ’em anyway. Like Cody Irving did 3 times to Phil Oppen at Horn in the same corner. Or the Oreo Double Stuff move Jorie and I pulled on an unsuspecting Alex Mininger at Straddleline. Go wide, get nerfed.
Number 4. If you happen to be the recipient of getting nerfed, learn the lesson: bro-hold the inside. Don’t be a bitch and cry about it saying that “so and so is a dirty rider!” No, that is a full bitch move. Man up, learn from it, and move on. If you want full boss status get them back harder in the next corner.
Number 5. If you crash, get up and finish the race. Nothing makes you look like a bigger bitch than laying on the track holding your broken arm or wrist or whatever you hurt. So what if the bone is sticking out of your elbow? You stand up with your legs anyway and it is a hell of a long way from the heart. This is a place where I have been very proud of us NW quad riders. A lot of guys have taken huge hits this year and picked themselves up. That’s more than can be said for little bitch national dirtbike riders Chad Reed, Ryan Villopoto, and Trey Canard (Dungey has hung in tough but following rule number 4, the man on the orange bike is a bonafide biyatch). If your bike is still usable, finish the race. If it’s trashed, finishing on somebody else’s quad is also an option.
Number 6. Talk some trash. Who cares who won the race or who is the fastest guy on the track? They had to have done something stupid you can make fun of them for. You can go for the mainstays but the best ones are unique and normally made up on the spot.
That’s all for this round folks. Brush up on these skills and you can hold your head high anywhere you go knowing you’re not even close to being the biggest bitch in the room.